I’m at a point where I really can’t be bothered by anyone. I just want to live my life the way I want. Do what I want, say what I want, feel how I want, be with who I want to be with. Not worry about what other people are thinking or saying. I shouldn’t care about anyone’s opinion but my own. This is what I’ve been ignoring, my own god damn feelings. It’s crucial that I make the right decision, or everything could fall apart. I really don’t want that to happen. I took a week off last minute to get things done, things I needed to get done. I know what’s important to me and what isn’t. I know what I want and how I want things to go from here. I know how to make myself happy and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
I’ve been doing really well in school; I’m excited about the whole situation. I love learning & writing as well. I have to think of a topic for my final essay in the next few days. I’m pretty sure I know what to base it on. I’ll also have to do some research which will be fun. I’ve already been enrolled for my course next semester, so that’s taken care of. One last thing I need to worry about.
Five years ago today Lucas passed away 1/19/2005 6.47 PM. I’ll be going to the cemetery after work today. I usually get depressed around this time. Lucas was a huge part of my life, although we were young he was still a part of me, and there will always be a large piece of my heart for him. At the time I really didn’t understand about love and what it meant. I know if he were alive today we would be together. I don’t believe too much in soul-mates but I know he would have been the one. I knew him since before either of us could walk, of course I don’t remember much of that time in our lives but I remember our childhood. Same schools, same parties, same everything. He was my best friend. I’ll always love him.
There are a few things going on in my life right now. Things that are difficult for me to decide. I’m not sure what to do. It could go either way; do some people deserve a second chance? What separates those who do and those who don’t? I’m not sure how to handle this yet. I’ll let you know.